Examine Jealousy

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"The emotion of envy is often confused with jealousy. Envy is directed at another or others, wanting their qualities, success, or possession. Jealousy involves thinking you will lose, or have lost, some affection or security from another person because of someone or something else-including their interest in an activity that takes time away from you."

Read More: Psychology Today

"Envy refers to the often-painful emotion caused by an awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another person. It is a complex, socially repugnant emotion made up of a mix of inferiority feelings, hostility, and resentment. Envy is different from admiration, which is delight and approval inspired by another person. Admiration can foster a desire to emulate another person's success, whereas envy breeds a competitive desire to outdo and even bring the envied person down in some cases."

Read More: The New Yorker

"Benign envy can sound a lot like admiration. The difference is that, while admiration feels good, envy is painful. By way of illustration, van de Ven cites the philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, who wrote that, while "admiration is happy self-surrender," "envy is unhappy self-assertion." Admiration can be a pleasant feeling, in large part because we think of the people we admire as being unlike ourselves. But people we benignly envy seem to be a lot like us. That realization hits closer to home-and hurts.

The differences between benign and malicious envy, meanwhile, are stark: the two spur us to act in very different ways. In a followup, van de Ven asked his subjects, every evening for two weeks, whether they'd experienced envy that day; if they had, he probed the specific contours of the emotion and asked them to report how it had made them act. He found that the more closely their feelings aligned with malicious envy the more they complained about the person they envied. (They didn't do anything about it; they were just nasty.) By contrast, if they felt benign envy they worked harder. Benign envy may be unpleasant, but it's a driver of change for the better."

What to do to feel better

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Think about why you're jealous

"When you notice that you are feeling jealous, take a moment, breathe slowly, and observe your thoughts and feelings. Recognize that jealous thoughts are not the same thing as a REALITY. You may think that your partner is interested in someone else, but that doesn't mean that he really is. Thinking and reality are different."

Read More: Psychology Today

Turn your envy into gratitude

" Gratitude is not about ignoring what we desire, but choosing to focus on the things we do have that bring us value or joy. Focusing on your appreciation for knowing the value of a dollar or your work ethic when you're envious of a friend's financial situation can make conversations much less triggering. Instead of feeling envious of a friend's appearance, focus on the things you like about yourself, or the fact that you have a body that allows you to exercise."

Read More: Psychology Today

Change your thinking

"Part of the reason why envy can be so destructive is because of the unrealistic ideas we hold. That's why it helps to aim for a more realistic understanding of, and approach to, envy itself. Online, and even in the context of our closest relationships, there is little discussion of life's difficult and darker moments...We tend to showcase and discuss the highlights of our lives, while omitting the low or even mundane points. Gently remind yourself that, although not always distributed evenly, everyone faces struggles and hardship. And there might be aspects of your own life that your friends envy greatly."

Read More: Psychology Today

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Upside

J e a l o u s y

Upside

J e a l o u s y

Examine Jealousy

Things that could be causing your Envy

Things that could be causing your Jealousy

Effects of Jealousy

What to do to feel better